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Sleep (or lack of it) is one of the hardest things about having a newborn. It does get better with time but in the sleep-deprived early weeks and months, bedtime and naptimes can be tough.
Newborns need to feed every couple of hours, including throughout the night, meaning very broken sleep for you. What’s more, their circadian rhythm isn’t set yet, so they don’t automatically sleep at night. In the womb they can even sleep on an opposite schedule to you – being lulled to sleep as you’re walking around then wriggling and rolling when you’re still in bed at night. This routine can take a little while reset.
Babies also go through sleep regressions every few months, which can feel like going back to square one but they’re only temporary.
Below is some advice on getting your baby to sleep, and as importantly, getting them to sleep in their cot or Moses basket so you can have a break or some rest of your own.
Cues your baby is ready for sleep
It’s a lot easier to get your baby down for a nap or sleep if they’re ready.
Cues your baby is ready for sleep include:
- Irritability
- Rubbing their eyes
- Yawning
- Pulling at their ears
Bedtime routine
Having a regular bedtime routine helps babies to wind down and understand that it’s time for bed.
Your bedtime routine is unique to you but here is an example routine.
- Prepare their sleep environment. This could include clearing their sleep space, putting on low lights, making sure the temperature is right and putting on white noise.
- Bath
- Stories (it’s never too early to read to your child)
- Feed
- Put them into their cot while they’re drowsy but not quite asleep (some babies need to be rocked or cuddled to sleep).
How to get your baby to sleep
Methods that generally work include:
Feeding
Feeding will likely be one of the first effective ways you find of getting your baby to sleep. Breast milk has a soporific effect. Formula milk doesn’t, but the process of feeding is very comforting and can send them to sleep, regardless of briefly winding them after their feed.
If your baby has reflux, it’s best to wait a while after they’ve fallen asleep before putting them in their cot to avoid the milk coming back up.
Rocking and singing
Cuddling and rocking gives your baby the comfort and security they need to relax and nod off, particularly when accompanied by lullabies.
Taking them out in the pram or car
The steady motion of travelling in a pram or car are excellent for getting your baby down for naps. When they get older, pushchairs work just as well.
How to deal with a baby with colic
Colic is when your baby regularly cries inconsolably for a long period of time, often for a few hours every night. It can be an extremely difficult time for the whole family, but it does pass.
Colic is often caused by trapped wind, which you can help by:
- Properly winding your baby after each feed (if they are bottle or combi-fed).
- Using wind-easing drops such as Infacol before bottle feeds.
- Holding your baby high on you while they cry and patting and rubbing their back to help ease out any trapped gas.
My baby will only sleep on me – Getting a Velcro baby to sleep
Some babies need more physical contact with their parents than others. Those who cry whenever they’re separated are sometimes called ‘Velcro babies’.
Getting them to sleep can be more challenging as they may wake up and cry the second they’re placed in a cot, no matter how diligently you stick with the bedtime routine or how long you wait for them to get into a deep sleep before putting them down.
This can be a nightmare for sleep-deprived parents and also makes it difficult to do anything at all if your baby wants to be held 24/7. Each baby is different, but below are some tips that might work for you.
Baby wearing
Baby wearing is when you carry your baby in a baby carrier. It is not a modern idea but is practised by those who follow Attachment Parenting.
Baby wearing offers the feeling of closeness and safety for your child while giving you your arms and legs back.
Research safe baby carriers
It’s very important to do your research on baby carriers. You can get cheap ones on places like Amazon but they aren’t necessarily properly tested and safe, which can put your baby at risk of suffocation or falling.
Safe positioning in a baby carrier
Even with a carefully chosen carrier, you should still be extremely mindful of your baby’s position and breathing at all times while baby wearing to avoid suffocation or injury. If you breast-feed while baby wearing, you should use both hands the whole time to make sure your baby and breast are positioned correctly and not squashed together.
The carrier you choose needs to offer your child head support while keeping them high enough that they’re not smothered. They also need to be dressed appropriately for being close to your body, to avoid overheating.
There’s not a lot of guidance on how to wear your baby safely so it’s best to ask your health visitor to show you.
Next to me beds
It’s recommended that babies sleep in the same room as you for at least six months and ideally a year. This is to reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
For babies that have difficulty sleeping in a separate cot, you may want to try a Next To Me bed. These are cots that attach to your bed like a sidecar. They have a barrier you can draw up once they’re asleep, offering protection from suffocation that can be a huge risk in co-sleeping.
Having your baby within arm’s reach also means that you don’t have to get out of bed to tend to them when they wake in the night (unless they need a feed or nappy change).
Side feeding
Side feeding is a method of breastfeeding side by side, rather than holding your baby in your arms. The NHS gives good guidance on safely side feeding.
Side feeding is a good way to help your baby drift off to sleep, and dream feed for a while, while giving you the freedom to roll away once they’re in a deep sleep. You need to position yourself properly and might get a dead arm but it’s worth it.
Safety is paramount and you should side feed on a flat surface with plenty of space. If your baby has fallen asleep on their side, roll them gently onto their back and remove any pillows or cushions that you’ve been using.
Sleep training
Sleep training teaches babies to go to sleep independently. The idea is that you teach them that they are safe in their cot and you will still come back, and they gain the skills to self-soothe. It’s inadvisable to start sleep training before 4 months at the earliest.
Some common sleep-training methods are:
Controlled crying method
Controlled crying is when you let your baby cry for a set amount of time before going to them. You gradually increase how long you leave the to cry (from two to eventually ten minutes but no longer) as they gain trust that you will answer, even if it takes a little longer.
The aim is that they’ll learn to self-soothe themselves back to sleep but not feel abandoned.
Read more on controlled crying.
Chair method
With this, you let your baby settle themselves in their cot, but sit next to them in a chair. Each night, you move the chair a little further away until you are no longer in the room.
Bedtime fading
This involves gradually shortening their bedtime routine until you get to a point where you can just put your baby in their cot when they’re drowsy and they will go to sleep happily on their own.
