A quarter of new mums disillusioned by their experience of maternity leave

Taking time off work to look after a new baby should be a time for new mums to cherish, but research undertaken for BBC Radio paints a less than rosy picture of new motherhood.

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One mum told Radio 5 Live’s Emma Barnett Show: “Maternity leave wasn't about meeting friends for coffee. I couldn’t drive because I had an emergency C-section and I was the first of my friends to have a child, so I felt I was boring them.”

Out of 1,000 women interviewed by Comres for BBC Radio 5 Live, over a quarter of new mums (27 per cent) found they did not enjoy their maternity leave as much as they thought they would.

In addition, two in five women admitted to missing being at work and one in five wished they’d gone back to work earlier.

The poll also showed that younger mums were finding maternity leave less enjoyable than older mums. Just under half of the mums aged 18-24 and a third of mums aged 34 and under, stated they did not enjoy their maternity leave as much as they thought they would.

Maternity leave ‘bloody hard, and, at times, lonely’

Presenter Emma Barnett returned to radio this month after being on maternity leave for eight months. Nine days later she was interviewing Prime Minister Theresa May about Brexit.

She said of her own struggles during her maternity break: “I have had some of the loveliest and more memorable times of my life during my maternity leave. But it’s still been bloody hard, and, at times, lonely.

“As the one at home, you struggle to have a sense of self, to remember who you were, and what you thought about before your child came along.

“There should be no guilt in saying you find maternity leave hard, that you don’t enjoy every single second with your child, and that it’s exhausting.

“It’s OK to say you love your new baby, but that you don’t love your new existence yet.”

The research backed these comments up with over a quarter of mums (27 per cent) saying they found it more difficult to bond with their baby than they initially thought, and nearly half (49 per cent) felt obliged to be positive about spending time with their baby.

Over half of all the mums surveyed (54 per cent) admitted they found breastfeeding more difficult than they were led to believe.

‘We need to start talking more honestly about maternity leave’

Commenting on the research findings, Anne-Marie O'Leary, editor-in-chief of Netmums, said: "We need to start talking more honestly about maternity leave and everything it entails. It’s a job, not a holiday. And a pretty tough job at that: there aren’t many jobs where you’re on call morning, noon and night, 24/7, with no holidays.

“We dress it up as being a holiday filled with nothing but hugs and coffee mornings, when the reality is lots of manual labour on very little sleep."

These sentiments were also echoed by Abi Wood, the head of campaigns and communications at the NCT (National Childbirth Trust), who highlighted the importance of new mums getting out and about and meeting other mums.

She said: “It can be really difficult to adjust to all the huge life changes a baby brings. Maternity leave can be an incredibly lonely time, particularly if you don’t have friends and family around to offer support.

“It’s worth finding out about baby groups in your area and apps and social media can help you to meet other mums locally. Even getting out for a walk or to a café can help a little. It’s also worth checking out what your local NCT branch is up to. Our network of local branches organises activities for new mums, so they can build support networks in their area.”

However, in recent years some of the resources available for new mums have started to dwindle away, such as the Sure Start Centres, introduced by Tessa Howell during the last Labour government.

Sure Start children’s centres were meant to be spaces for new mums to access support services and meet other new mums in the same environment but as many as 1,000 Sure Start Centres have closed since the Conservative/ Lib Dem coalition government, according to the Sutton Trust.

There are no immediate plans for the current government to reverse this trend, and decisions about the future of Sure Start centres are presently on hold.

‘Maternity leave wasn't about meeting friends for coffee’

Reason’s for not enjoying maternity leave are varied amongst the new mums. Lack of support, not enough sleep, poor health after giving birth and feelings of depression were reasons cited by mums who spoke on air with Ms Barnett.

Rachel Murphy, a 35-year-old mum of three from Reading, told BBC Radio 5 Live: “I had two years off with my first two children, born just 13 months apart. It was hard going, and I guess I lost myself along the way.

“I became isolated and missed having an identity, other than mum. A lack of sleep, along with not having a clue what I was doing, meant that I wasn't able to fully enjoy my maternity leave.

“Maternity leave wasn't about meeting friends for coffee. I couldn’t drive because I had an emergency C-section and I was the first of my friends to have a child, so I felt I was boring them.

Another caller, 32-year-old mum of one, Kerry-Ann Whatley, Worcestershire, added: “I found it extremely difficult as a new mum. I felt everyone expected me to be this happy blossoming mother with a beautiful baby, but it was far from the truth.

“I felt the world was caving in. I had this beautiful baby boy who had medical problems. A huge team of medical professionals swamped us and I felt he was more their baby than mine. I would sit and cry in secret because I felt I had to keep up this strong act. I found it affected how I felt towards my son. Now I speak openly and honestly and realise it wasn’t me.”

Commenting on the BBC survey, the current minister for women, Victoria Atkins, told BBC Radio 5 Live: “It is important that new mums feel comfortable and confident to share their worries and struggles – so we can ensure they are helped and supported.

“This government has invested £1.5 million to start up projects across the country that will support people to come back to work – when, and if, they want to.”