10 tips to raise a confident child in early years

Self-confidence is a significant part of success and happiness, that begins in childhood. Raising a confident child enables them to try new things, explore their interests and persevere with building new skills. It helps them to make new friends, to stand up for themselves and to not limit themselves through fear of what other people think.

In their early years, you as a parent are the most influential part of your child’s life. Young children learn through copying and they will imitate both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ behaviour. The way you interact with your child will shape their self-confidence and their sense of their self.

 Here are ten ways you can help to establish confidence in a child in their early years.

Be loving and affectionate

There have been several studies that show a clear link between parental affection and their child’ s self-worth. A 2022 study by Cardiff University found that children whose parents lavished affection upon them were significantly less stressed and anxious, on average, than their counterparts whose parents were a lot less affectionate.

Respond when they need you

Responding to your child when they need you teaches them that they matter. Having an emotionally available parent is an important part of a  child’s development and raising a confident child. They need to know that they can always come to you with their feelings, and that you value them sharing their worries and seeking comfort in you.

Parents who consistently invalidate, dismiss or ignore their children can damage their self-esteem and mental wellbeing on a long-term basis.

Give them some choice

Offering children lots of choice throughout the day helps them to develop responsibility and autonomy.

Offer your child a choice between two options whenever possible and practical. This could be options like:

• Do you want green top or red top today?
• Shall we have broccoli or cabbage?
• Which one of these books shall we read first?

Talk to them every day

Life is busy and you may not realise that you’re not spending a chunk of time every day just chatting with your child, asking how their day was, how they feel about things that happened to them that day, what they’re interested in this week, etc.

Involving them in daily tasks like cooking, tidying toys or taking them for a walk can be good opportunities to do this. Even before they can speak it’s really important for their language learning. Singing nursery rhymes with younger children or playing peekaboo still offers this precious one-to-one time with them.

Let them help around the house

It’s been proven that having chores helps children’s confidence, responsibility and emotional regulation. In early years, children are obviously too small for proper chores but you can still let them be part of the team.

Some ways you could allow your small child to help (with supervision):

• Watering plants together with a small/toy watering can each.
• Letting them take clothes in and out of the washing machine and tumble dryer.
• Having them wash the vegetables and put them in the pan when cooking.
• If they are big enough, asking them to do the pillowcases and hold duvet corners when you’re changing bedding.
• Giving them a cloth or duster to go around with you with.
• Providing a toy broom or vacuum to use while you use the adult version.

Read to them

Along with a host of other benefits, reading to your child every day can help you to raise a confident child in a number of ways.

• You are giving them your full attention and spending quality time with them.
• Reading helps with their speech and language and early reading and writing, laying foundations for better confidence in expressing themselves, socialising and academia.
• Reading fiction results in higher empathy for people of all ages, which in turn supports your child with friendships and resolving conflict.

Play with problem solving toys together

A fantastic way to support your child to gain confidence in their abilities, as well as build resilience and tenacity, is playing problem-solving toys together.

Toys like puzzles,  shape sorters and building blocks offer new skills and a sense of accomplishment. You can also give them problem-solving opportunities with items you have around the house that they can sort, stack, pack and unpack.

Offer positive reinforcement

Positive reinforcement nurtures a child’s confidence, resilience and willingness to try new things. It’s important for this praise to be focused on their effort as this takes the pressure off achievement. It fosters the confidence to keep trying and not be afraid of making mistakes, which they can learn from.

Give them plenty of opportunity to socialise

Positive social interaction is a hugely important part of mental wellbeing and self esteem throughout our lives. Lacking confidence or being very shy can be a real barrier.

Nurseries, play groups and local activity groups give children the chance to play with others their own age.

Furthermore, giving them plenty of opportunities to socialise enables them to develop social skills that will help them to make friends in early years, school and beyond.

You can also spend time with them in the community so they are accustomed to being around lots of different people, such as playing at the park instead of the garden, reading at the library or going for a walk.

Consider co-sleeping

Co-sleeping is a subject that can hugely divide parents. Co-sleeping with babies can be a risk factor for SIDS. Even for older babies and toddlers, for many families co-sleeping is not something that they can or want to consider.

However studies have found that co-sleeping often results in greater confidence, independence and security, and less anxiety, if the child is aged over a year and safe sleep guidelines are followed, particularly the work of a professor of anthropology named Dr James McKenna. There is also evidence, however, that it can be linked to behavioural problems.

It’s really up to you and your family but worth looking into if you’re interested.