How can dad bond with their baby?

Fatherhood can make dads feel left out. What helps a father bond with their baby? Much of the focus is on the mother and her relationship with the child but there are many ways to help dad bond with baby. This article has a number of new dad tips.

Dr Anna Machin, an evolutionary anthropologist at the University of Oxford has studied the experience of dads for over 10 years.

‘Dads develop their bond with their baby by communicating, caring and playing. As your baby develops with smiles, laughter and babbling, a true two-way relationship starts to develop’ Dr Machin states on the National Childbirth Trust website.

How long does it take for fathers to bond with their baby?

Dr Anna Machin states developing a two-way relationship between baby and dad can take on average six months. Fathers may feel an instant connection with their baby from the moment they are born.

Research reveals a fifth of new mothers and fathers have no emotional connection with their child in the hours after they are born. It can take months to feel any attachment.

Is it normal for dad not to bond with their baby?

Do not worry if the dad has not bonded with their baby in the early days, as bonds take time to develop.

There are plenty of father baby activities that you as a new dad can try out.

How can fathers bond with their unborn child?

• Speaking, singing, reading to your unborn child.

Babies can hear in the womb from around 18 weeks. You can build stronger ties with your unborn child, and be a hands-on dad by speaking, singing and even reading to them.   

• Attend National Childbirth Trust (NCT) classes.

NCT classes are a great way to not just receive tips and advice but share experiences of parenthood. Fathers can use NCT sessions to meet other dads before their child is born.

How can dads get time to bond with their child?

You may feel like you still cannot get involved in the care of your child after it is born.

Dads often find that staggering their return to work after their child’s birth can help them balance work and home life in order to bond.

Working shorter days or weeks, working from home or limiting how much you travel, can also help.

Statutory paternity leave is government-funded. SPL allows new fathers in the UK to take up to two weeks off work. SPL applies to all partners, regardless of gender, after the birth, surrogacy or adoption of a baby.

However, a 2024 survey from parenting charity Pregnant Then Screwed, found of more than 500 new fathers who did not take their full paternity or parental leave allowance. Some 70% could not afford to.

Once your baby is born:

• Eligible fathers in England, Wales and Scotland receive Paternity Pay of £187.18 a week or 90% of their average earnings (whichever is lower). Tax and National Insurance will be deducted.
• Fathers can also take two weeks’ leave in separate one-week chunks.
• Dads can take their leave at any point within the baby’s first year.
• You must give your employer at least 15 weeks’ notice for Paternity Pay and Paternity Leave.

New dad tips to help fathers bond with baby

Shared Parental Leave

Shared Parental Leave (SPL) is a statutory right. You can take up to 50 weeks of SPL, shared between you and your partner. (It is not possible to take Shared Parental leave at the same time as Maternity, Paternity or Adoption leave).

You may want to split SPL equally between you and take leave at the same time or take a chink of leave each to lengthen the time one is at home with the baby. Time can only be taken as a chink and not as lots of individual days.

Astrid Donovan said: “Shared Parental Leave was wonderful for us as a family. My partner really enjoyed spending time with our baby and being so much more hands on with her care than he had been when I was off.

“Previously we’d bickered a lot, I’d felt like he didn’t understand how to care for her or how hard it was and he wasn’t listening to me. A couple of weeks into SPL, he’d grown to totally understand her needs and we became a real team.”

Statutory Shared Parental Pay (ShPP) is £187.18 a week or 90% of your average weekly earnings (whichever is lower).

This is the minimum that your employer is legally required to pay but some offer much more.

Skin-to-skin cuddles

As soon as possible after the child is born, dad can have skin-to-skin contact and cuddles with their child by holding their baby close to their chest. In this way, babies can learn dad’s smell and hear his heartbeat, just like mum. This can be calming and a good way to relax with your child, spend quality time and bond.  

Bottle feeding

Feeding baby involves breast-feeding by mothers but you can get involved by bottle feeding your child to grow closer to them.

For example, bottle feeding at night by dad can involve mothers expressing and bottling breast milk during the day to keep in the fridge for dad to do night time feeds. Alternatively, baby formula could be used.      

Eye contact

Babies typically start to make eye contact from around 6 weeks of age. Newborn babies can only focus on things a short distance away – about 20-30 centimetres. Dads can bond with baby by getting up close and face to face with their child so that the baby can see their expressions.

Smiling

Smiling at a baby helps improve the health and well-being of both father and child. It helps dads and babies feel an attachment. Smiling helps a baby learn how to regulate their emotions and reduces stress hormones for both father and child.

Cooing

Father baby activities can include simply cooing. Repeating the noises your baby makes lets them know you are listening. The baby will also become familiar with the back and forth rhythm of conversation.

Massage

Baby massage releases the happy hormone oxytocin in both baby and parent and this will aid relaxation and strengthen the father and child bond.

Bathtime

Baths can help a baby feel relaxed and calm. They can also be a great way for dads to spend time with their child. It is also a great father baby activity as playtime can be incorporated into a baby’s daily routine e.g. bath toys in the bath. 

Talking to baby, reading and singing

Fathers can enjoy talking and singing to their child, while they are babbling to interact socially with baby. Babies learn by copying. Talking will enable them to hear more vocabulary to boost their language skills. You can even chat to baby while changing their nappy.

Babies who are sung to can also learn to enjoy music.

Reading to your child each day is important to build strong ties with your child.  You could take your child to the local library or book shop to select books to read to your child.

If you are a dad who is working away from home for long periods of time, video calls and recordings of you reading stories to your child help you and your child develop strong connections with each other.  

Here is an advice article detailing how babies of different ages respond to being read to.

Playtime

At six months old, a little boisterous, risky play such as bouncing baby up and down and tickling by dad, encourages the release of bonding chemicals oxytocin, dopamine and beta-endorphin.  

A child’s mental resilience, physical coordination and social skills are developed with this type of play.

Meet dads with babies

Fatherhood can be daunting. You can meet up with dads you met during past NCT classes. As they are fathers with children the same age, you will have something in common with them. Activities such as visiting a cafe with your babies can give fathers a social opportunity to connect with others as well as baby.     

Take baby out for walks

Going out of the house for walks can be a chance to get some fresh air, enjoy outdoor scenery, get some exercise and may help send your baby to sleep.          

You could push your child’s pram in the park or wear a baby sling to carry your child close to your chest. This enables the baby to smell and feel you close to them which can help you bond with your child.

Parent and baby groups

If you want to try something fun and active with your baby, why not try parent and baby swimming classes. Do not be put off if you are the only man in attendance. Like many parent and baby groups, women will make up most of the class. This can be daunting for men but the swimming instructor should offer some useful tips to make you confident about being with your baby in the water.    

Dad support groups

Talking to family, friends, work colleagues and NCT fathers can help new dads feeling overwhelmed by the life change that a new baby can bring. It is important for fathers to take care of their mental health and wellbeing.

Support groups for fathers include:  

• Fatherhood Institute
• The Dadsnet
• Dadvengers

Greg Bones, father of one year old Alexander said: “The last year has been eventful, challenging, different. Probably the hardest thing is coping with the lack of sleep.

“You do not realise how little sleep you’re going to get. Learn to survive on three or four hours sleep a night.

“If you get the chance do some weight training beforehand because babies are heavy and you will be picking them up an awful lot.”